Life away from home is hard, actually.

FOMO. The fear of missing out. Y'all know what it is. We've all experienced it. I have yet to decide if social media adds to it or takes away some of those feelings, but I'm not interested in talking about social media today.

I'm interested in talking about true, genuine FOMO.

The summer before my freshman year of college, my family took a road trip to the southeast. (Imagine six Godfredsens, at our height, in one vehicle all the way to Georgia. :')) We took a detour on our drive home to check out Chapel Hill, North Carolina. My dad's a Carolina fan and wanted to see if we could maybe sneak in to see Dean Smith Center (they had locked up like 15 minutes before we got there, boo). I was in total awe of the beauty of this state.

So I decided I wanted to live there. All through college, I planned on moving out of Sioux County after graduation. No joke, the absolute last resort on my list was Sioux Falls. Rock Valley wasn't even an option at any point in my four years of school. Long story short, I convinced a roommate to move with me, we both got nursing jobs in the triangle, and packed up our things (after passing the NCLEX obviously), and here we are.

I love so many things about North Carolina and living away from where I grew up. But living 1300 miles from everything I had ever known until the age of 22 is HARD. I think maybe someday it could get easier, but it will never not be hard. I miss so many opportunities to cheer on Alex and Anna at their high school events--and Georgie's first season of college football this fall. I can't just drive to my Josie's house to see my nieces, or go shopping with my mom, or go to Townsquare with my dad. I have to live knowing that it's possible that I've hugged my grandparents for the final time without knowing it was the last. I can't annoy Paige, or get a legendary Aubrey Jorde hug, or get the world's best advice from Kayli. I can't make fun of Amanda or play with Meghan's beautiful babies.

I have to settle for watching that life through a screen from over a thousand miles away. I had to learn to admit to them when I'm struggling. To utilize group facetime. To make intentional phone calls, and texts when life just gets so crazy busy. To seek out that desperately needed hug from Em Bailey and Allison. To force Lindsey's dog to play with me and to try to match Tulsi's energy (which is nearly impossible, iykyk).

For a long time, I was afraid to voice these feelings. Because I chose this, right? I chose to move away, to be far from my family, to miss watching my nieces grow up. But I learned, through the constant truth and validation spoken by my most favorite people, that I can still be sad. That just because I chose this life, my feelings are no less valid than someone who didn't have a choice in the matter.

As hard as it is sometimes to know that it isn't as easy as getting in my car and driving home when I need my mom's cooking, or a hug from my dad, or an unfiltered joke from Mary Jo, I can't help but kneel at the feet of Jesus with the most gratitude my sometimes weary heart can muster. He has provided me with everything I need to live this life and more. As I type this at 4am (shh don't tell my boss), I'm truly at a loss for words--which is rare, I know. He has my people in every corner, in every heartache, in every celebration, in every moment of homesickness. He's the light in my darkness.

And he always will be.